Special to the Los Angeles Times on February 4,1998
Mr. Morality
By Marnell Jameson Radio personality Dennis Prager believes it's our duty to one
another and to God to be happy. And he's written a book on the
subject.
It's a picture-perfect Sunday in the back-yard of Dennis Prager's
spacious West Valley home. Water cascades into the pool. Kids
jump on a trampoline and climb a knotted rope. Chickens and horses
issue the occasional cluck and whinny from pens up the hill.
The radio talk show host, essayist and theologian leans into
his patio chair, draws smoke from his pipe and says, "Isn't
this heaven?"
Indeed. Dennis Prager is happy and should be. At 49, he's just
written a book on the subject, "Happiness is a Serious Problem" (HarperCollins).
And based on his formula, he should be among the happiest people
alive. "That's a good chance," admits this large, lumbering
man, with a big deep voice to match his thinking.
A book on happiness seems paradoxical from this man, who from
12 to 3 p.m. each weekday on KABC-AM (790) radio discusses the
often depressing issues in the news. It also seems trite from
a man whose other books deal with Judaism and world problems.
But Prager argues, "Happiness is of first-rank importance.
We owe it to those around us to be happy. It's a moral obligation,
so society will be less cruel. We also need to be happy for religious
reasons. Unhappy people are an insult to God."
Prager is an unlikely talk show host, whose serious message and
demeanor defy the hip and obstreperous hosts that dominate the
airwaves. His appeal, says KABC Program Director David Cook,
lies in his offering "A perspective that is always unique
and thought provoking."
Or, for some, just plain provoking.
"
Dennis has a calcified view of the universe based on sitcoms
from the 50's of the way it's supposed to be, and he seems very
befuddled by why it's not that way," says radio host Robin
Abcarian, whose columns in The Times used to serve as fodder
for his shows." As wrongheaded as I think he is much of
the time, what I like about him is his thoughtfulness. He's very
sincere, and he's respectful of people."
The complaints don't surprise him.
"
I'm too liberal for the religious right and too conservative
for the secular left. I defend men reading Playboy, and I'm lambasted
by the religious right. I believe that heterosexual love should
be society's ideal, and I'm lambasted by the secular left." Though
a self-described centrist, Prager cites as his present-day heroes
columnist William F. Buckley Jr. and the late Israeli Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin, because they have been "intellectually honest
and morally earnest." He also never votes Democrat, "It's
a dangerous party." But in the final analysis, he claims
to care a lot more about right and wrong than right and left.
Subtitled "A Human Nature Repair Manual," Prager's
latest book challenges readers to realize that they - not any
outside force - are the greatest obstacle to happiness.
"
Most unhappiness comes from within, but we blame society, poverty,
racism, sexism, ageism, you name it," he says. He offers
as proof his observation that people's circumstances aren't connected
with their levels of happiness. "How many biographies of
the rich and famous do we have to read to learn that most are
not happy?"
While much of the chatty, essayist book fosters a "Why,
of course" response, the reminder - that happiness is not
a divine right, nor even an entitlement, but a reward for sacrifice,
discipline and hard work - seems timely in a society addicted
to fast food and the elusive free lunch.
After setting up his operating premise - that happiness is an
obligation, that it takes work and that outlook is everything
- Prager then, chapter by chapter, takes on the misery makers:
comparing ourselves with others, believing that success, wealth
and fun equal happiness; harboring unrealistic expectations;
focusing on not what's in hand, but what's missing; being a victim;
and, ironically, avoiding pain.
A word for hedonists: avoid what's fun and pursue pain.
"
Everything that leads to happiness involves pain," writes
Prager. "As a result, many people avoid the things that
would bring the deepest happiness, such as marriage, children,
intellectually challenging pursuits, religious commitment and
volunteer work."
His advice doesn't mean you'll avoid distress.
"
A person can be happy and miserable, just as someone can be essentially
healthy and sick with the flu," he says. Happiness is not
what you feel at any given moment, but an ongoing attitude toward
life. I run into the same obstacles as everyone: family problems,
kid problems, marital tension, sickness among relatives, job
frustrations, a society in which I'm not optimistic about its
future. I don't walk around on a cloud. But I'm happy."
On the radio, Prager introduces a new topic for each of his three
hours and invites callers to discuss them. Topics range from
international affairs to cheating on tests, from child abuse
to Barbie. He churns each subject through his highly developed
filters of morality and logic, adding cerebral certitude and
sometimes perturbing pragmatism.
Listeners know that calling his show to differ is like asking
Mike Tyson to arm wrestle. Enter his ring and you encounter a
mental heavyweight who works out.
"
If someone offers me a better argument, I'll change my mind in
a second," he says. "I'm not wedded to any of my positions
except to the belief that there is a God who wants us to do good
and that we must always tell the truth."
Pitted against the equally opinionated Dr. Laura Schelessinger
on KFI-AM (640), Prager reaches 320,000 individual listeners
a week to Schlessinger's 560,000, according to Arbitron ratings. "Though
both discuss morals and ethics, they serve different audiences,
says KABC's Cook. Schlessinger's mandate is to discuss individuals'
problems, Prager's to discuss topics in the news.
"
My first purpose is to elevate my audience; the station's primary
interest is ratings. Sometimes those interests are identical,
sometimes not," he concedes.
Prager was one of few media personalities who did not discuss
the O.J.Simpson trial. He did discuss the verdict, however, because "the
decision was of supreme importance to the country." He also
refused to discuss actor Eddie Murphy's encounter with a transvestite
prostitute "because it was of singular unimportance and
violated my religious law against gossip."
As for the Clinton debacle, he concedes that the president's
alleged affair is ugly but says the media's preoccupation with
sex is more dangerous for the country.
"
Had the media kept the sexual details as an aside and focused
on the cover-up and the lying, issues of greater concern, that
would have been more respectable," he says.
So he takes the moral high road. But what, some demand to know,
makes him the moral authority?
"
You're born with certain traits," replied Prager. "It
was put in me. They asked Schubert once how he came up with his
melodies, and he said, 'they just come into my head.' This is
what I'm here for."
What he sees as a calling, others see as arrogance. While his
moral judgments are extreme, so is his tolerance for those who
fall short.
"
I believe heterosexual love is the ideal, but I can speak with
compassion to a gay caller seeking love advice, I believe most
abortions are immoral but support a woman's right to choose in
the first trimester. I don't find these stands contradictory,
and I don't want society to lose its ideals."
To save them, he wants the country to come back from leftism
and secularism.
"
Too many religious people regard religion as a form of social
work, to bring comfort to people. In fact, the primary purpose
of religion is to bring standards to people."
Prager gets these views across not only through his radio show,
which he hopes to syndicate, but also through his books; his
twice-monthly newsletter, The Prager Perspective; lectures, which
often take him abroad; and his academic affiliation with the
American Jewish University in West Los Angeles, where he teaches the
Torah, verse by verse.
Prager, born in Brooklyn, to an accountant and a nursing home
director, says he was never a kid.
"
I was born an adult. I couldn't bear parental coercion. I've
always been in love with freedom."
Though this led him to graduate 92nd in a class of 120, what
he did do on his own was learn Russian and read symphonic scores.
The former led to his work briefly as a spy in Russia when he
was 19, and to championing many causes for Soviet Jewry. The
latter has led to his conducting orchestras, including the West
Los Angeles Symphonic Orchestra and the Pasadena Lyric Opera.
He began his radio career 15 years ago on KABC with "Religion
on the Line." To this day, his religion remains his core
interest, and his happiest hours of the week begin at sundown
on Friday, the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath.
"
I would not be a happy person if it weren't for my religion," he
says, a black yarmulke perched on his thick silver hair.
He prides himself on being involved in all aspects of the Jewish
faith.
"
I have one son who goes to Orthodox Jewish school, another to
a Conservative Jewish school, and we are active in a Reform synagogue.
I am happy to participate in all denominations and don't belong
solely to any one."
His wife, Fran, who was raised Lutheran, now shares his faith.
She was in the process of converting when he knocked on her door
12 years ago in search of the landlord to her apartment.
"
I kept her talking for 20 minutes until she finally invited me
in," Prager recalls of their first meeting.
They married two years later, a second marriage for both. His
first marriage ended after five years and one son, David, 14.
Fran has one daughter, Anya, 21, and together they have a 5-year-old
son, Aaron.
Here David interrupts the conversation to ask for a loan. Prager
doles out a 20 and says, "Of course, you'll bring the change."
"
I will."
"
Love you, dude," he says as his son leaves. "We have
the same conflicts with our kids that every family has, which
is why I believe almost everyone should have a child. It's very
humbling."
Fifteen minutes later, David's back for a credit card.
"
What did I tell you?" Prager asks.
To be married to the man who claims to have the corner on morality,
one would have to be either very strong or very weak.
"
I'm one of the lucky ones who can change his mind," says
Fran Prager. "I'm relentless in getting him to look at emotional
issues in terms of what he's feeling, not thinking. I think I've
helped him get out of his head more and into his heart."
Prager claims he's easy to live with.
"
I'm very even-tempered. My wife doesn't lose me to sports or
drink. I'm kind to her, but I do have all the quintessential
male attributes that drive women crazy, including not remembering
every conversation, and not yearning quite as much as most wives
do, to confront all emotional issues."
He dismisses these concerns as essentially male-female differences.
"
It's par for the human course," he says.
But this cavalier attitude is precisely what infuriates not just
his wife, but other women. When he observes, for example, that
women are more interested in micro issues and men in macro, he
doesn't get what the ensuing fuss is about.
"
People who are secure in their gender don't have a problem with
this. Ironically I, Mr. Macho, prefer female issues. At a dinner
party, I'd rather talk to women. The men are either talking about
politics, the economy or sports, which bores the daylights out
of me. I'd rather talk about babies' feeding habits. Women think
that's a put-down, and I'm blown away by that. Why is what my
baby likes less elevated than how the Lakers are doing?" |